Resting in Being
There is wisdom in resting in being. This is the wisdom premise from last week’s Alive Wire Wisdom Circle.
There is wisdom in resting in being. There is wisdom to be found in the relaxation that comes from resting in the ground of your being.
There is resting and rest and there is Resting and Rest.
The latter talks more to the promise of a peace that passes all understanding. The OM in Shalom. We relax into Rest. While resting (with a small “r”) is a verb; Rest is not a doing word. There is no doing or destination. No getting it right or wrong. Think of it more as a quality. Infact this Rest is part of our very nature.
“Resting in being” may be a bit of a spiritual stretch. So let’s start with the basics. Let’s start with what you know already. Let’s start with a direct experience.
Have a look at this image.
How does it make you feel? What does it make you feel? Is it relaxing? If you take a little longer looking at this image, can you notice any subtle changes in your body?
Relaxation of the body, mind and nervous system
As I write/type this now, I notice a tension that is present. It is a creative tension. But it is not always comfortable.
I watch myself, in wry amusement, making countless cups of tea, concocting an orange and cottage-cheese coleslaw, going for a walk and posting a letter. I watch myself doing anything to alleviate this jittery excitement which has me bouncing around making it difficult to keep my bum on the seat. My aim is to be, increasingly, in states of alert relaxation, even as I am “at work”.
Self-regulation.
Dropping into the breath.
Meeting my fears.
Leaning in to the discomfort.
Being with the breath.
All this helps, especially when learning a new skill or building a new muscle.
Areas of challenge and areas of flow
Have you noticed that in your “areas of flow” you are far more relaxed? You have skills in this area. You are confident in this area. You may still meet challenges but they don’t slow, stop or sabotage your progress.
In your “areas of challenge”, there is tension, resistance and often there is shame. The inner critic comes armed to your area of challenge. We avoid these areas. We are not honest in these areas. We contract rather than expand around these areas.
Relaxed we are not!
Learning from love-making
I used this analogy at the end of our last Alive Wire Wisdom Circle….
Like making love, a woman can’t be penetrated until she is open. The degree to which she is open and relaxed is the degree to which truly pleasurable love-making is possible.
As I relax, so I open.
I open to more flow. I open to creativity. I open to life and to spirit. I loosen the sense of striving. I let go.
Relaxing into the spaces between and within
Slowing down between tasks.
Making my tea more mindfully.
Not allowing myself to be distracted.
Taking three deep breaths.
Lightness of being.
Your relationship with relaxation?
Sometimes we think we are relaxing but really we are just chilling. It is the difference between poor sleep and deep sleep.
We might have unhealthy relaxation aids or habits.
We might ration our relaxation according to whether we have done enough or deserve to relax. We punish ourselves with harsh schedules.
We might have more of a tendency to over-indulge in the chillaxing department. We can become a little lazy and then feel guilty about lack of motivation and movement. Too much of a good thing and we feel we are letting ourselves down.
Does any of this sound familiar to you?
How can we balance doing and being? Passivity and activity? Relaxation and intention?
Resistance towards relaxation
Right at the end of our Alive Wire Wisdom Circle I pointed out a behaviour pattern I have seen in myself (especially in my past) and in others.
This is a resistance to relaxation.
My sister and I are wired very differently. She never sleeps in. The first thing she puts in her system is coffee. She is a single mother of teenage boys. She runs around a lot. She is inclined to worry and likes to be in control. She happens to be the most caring, amusing and generous people in the world and I love her to bits.
On one occasion, we met up at her house and cracked some bubbly together. I sat her on the sofa and, seeing how tense she was, I asked her if I could do a breathing exercise with her. She had never done anything of the sort. Well within about 10 minutes she was slumped in the sofa, demanding to know “what I had done to her”. She was so relaxed that she was unable to finish her bubbly! We still laugh about this.
Have you noticed any resistance to relaxation?
We would rather power-through rather than slow down.
Or we feel we can’t slow down – there is just too much to do. Stopping is tantamount to collapse.
Fear of going F-L-O-P
Some of us allocate relaxation for high days and holidays and power through the weeks in between. As a teacher for many years, this is how I operated – literally counting down the weeks til the end of term when, finally, I could breathe.
I know a number of real workaholics. It used to fascinate me (and frustrate them) that they would often get sick when they shifted from Permanently On to Holiday Mode.
I wonder if we resist relaxation because we fear or feel we will just go F-L-O-P.
We worry that if we stop or even slow down we will lose our drive, motivation, purpose, our sense of identity or significance. Rather stay busy.
It is also true that many of us simply have too much on our plate. We are overwhelmed. Relaxation is hard when we are wired and tired. We relax n collapse, binge a series, have a second GnT, but we miss out on relaxing into being.
Many years ago, I sat on my stoop in my house in Claremont, Cape Town. I rarely took the time to sit down – not in the staff room, not even at home. I remember clearly as if it were yesterday bargaining with who or whatever was “out there”. I just wanted to do one yoga class a week but didn’t know where I would find the time. I felt I couldn’t breathe. I was close to burn out.
Within the week a friend told me about Art of Living. And guess what? I found or created the time, sorted out the children, and got to do a whole weekend of yoga and breathwork. At that stage I didn’t know I was self-regulating my nervous system. Nor did I realise how stressed I was. Meditation and breath work turned out to be a game-changer.
What's your thing?
What do you love to do that you find relaxing?
Walking in nature
Being with your animals
Swimming in the sea
Cooking
Board games
Reading a book
Relaxing in the sun
Hula hooping
Making love
Can I invite you do a little more of this?
If you got to end of this article – awesome!
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A lovely reminder with some real gems! thank you for taking the time, Gwendolen